“Oh man, where is she?” coffee shop regular Glen Partridge said to himself, scanning the room for the Good-Looking One but finding only the Bad-Mood One, the Gay One, the Fat One With Red Hair Who Always Wears It In Braids, and others. “I deliberately sat in her section and even wore that brown sweater that makes me look thinner.”

“Now I’m stuck with what’s-her-face,” added Partridge, referring to the Really Annoying One Who Blinks A Lot When She Talks.

The Good-Looking One, whom sources describe as really good-looking, with a pleasant complexion, a great body, and long brunette hair, usually works the morning shift, but was nowhere to be found at 10 a.m today, causing speculation as to her whereabouts.

Read full story at The Onion

“For most of this week, our operations are being disrupted by an office move. We’re packing up and transporting the whole shebang from our existing location on Newbury Street to a beautifully remodeled landmark building on Center Street in downtown Berkeley. Our Internet connection went down Friday at our old location, and we don’t have a place to sit in the new space. We figured we should turn this temporary inconvenience into an opportunity. So we decided to set up shop on Thursday at various WiFi hotspots.”

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How to Brew a Good Cup of Coffee from Ben Helfen on Vimeo.

If you’ve come or gone through the back door recently, you’ve probably noticed the strange markings. We don’t want to encourage this sort of vandalism (degenerate art?), but we are nothing if not curious at the Coffee Zone.

We seem to recall that lots of businesses have been “hit” by this graffiti gangsta. Has he or she been caught? Does anyone know who is responsible?

At a deeper level, what do the markings mean? Letters? A symbol? (sort of looks like the word “two” at the bottom) ID of the tagger? Do the same markings show up on each door? Is it always a back door? We seem to recall seeing at least one different color used on a door up the alley.

If this is your handiwork, turn yourself in. We’ll see you get help. If not help, an Atomic Wedgie you will never forget.

Your hands are full and no place to set that cup of Rocket Fuel. A creative NYC blogger who goes by “AP” embedded some magnets in a coffee cozy so she can just park it for a few seconds on any metal surface. Too cool for school.

The Coffee Zone will be open regular hours on New Year’s Day.

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